豊田市

(Editor's note: writ Saturday May the first.)

So tonight I devised a new game which I call the ‘Kombini Crawl’. Basically you have to go to all the convenience stores in the locale (of which there are usually myriad) and outside you have to have one beer (or bottle of liquor, depending on one’s preference) and one fag. And you must do this outside each one. I like this game and look forward to being able to partake of it properly.

So today has been my first night in my box. I tried to explore the surrounding area in search of a hyaku-en shop, but I failed somewhat pathetically. Then things got dark and I’ve come to learn that EVERYTHING looks the same in the dark here in Japan. Like a few nights ago in Nagoya. I embarked on a journey I have been on many times and I got completely fucking lost. I walked for about half an hour in the pissing rain in a fucking circle. Yes. I know that perhaps circularity when you’re trying to travel along one specific vector is not the best way to go. But I like perpendicularity and straight lines... one finds it much simpler to derive equations from data that can be graphically presented from straight line. It is simply y=mx+c


What’s the definition of insanity I hear you ask ? Well some criminologists/psychologists argue that it’s repeating the same task over and over again and expecting a different outcome (what the more informed of you might refer to as ‘standards QA’ or simply ‘lotcheck’); but I have recently revised this definition. It is now ‘テレビの日本’ or Japanese TV. Jesus fucking wept. I have a newfound respect for the last sinewy threads of my own personal sanity now I’ve watched the bizarre and frankly disturbing horseshit they have on the idiot box here. And never has that term proved so fucking salient. It makes the bollocks they show on channel 5 during the day look like BBC fucking 4.

Yes. I can’t live without the internet. For numerous reasons. But mostly so I don’t have to watch TV. And it’s not like I even watch crap. I just need something of a relative tangibility to make the other things that I’m doing sink in, or even just make more sense. Brain works on several levels and sometimes it requires multiple levels concurrently to work optimally. But if one of those happens to be retching and trying to kill the others then the entire process becomes almost pointless. Urgh. I desperately need an outside connection or I WILL start fires.

Let’s see... something that pissed me off recently. Oh yes. It has to be the royal waste of taxpayer’s money. I actually had to watch that mummer’s farce.
I am saved only by the fact of one simple facerape update that went "Doff those caps and tug those forelocks, you grovelling shitpeasants."
That made me smile on the inside. For if I am to have some manner of thing to talk of it to my students and colleagues alike about, then I seriously needed to watch it.
Over the last couple of weeks, new people who have learnt of my origins, whether they speak English or not are still able to make the question ‘royal wedding ?’ and so I had it on as I was packing my room up. All I can say is that at least you bitches got a bank fucking holiday out of it. Oh and the service itself could very well have been a passage directly out of the Book of Revelations. Or is all of christianity like that ? It really has been so long since I paid it any real mind, all I thought it was these days was the burning of gays or the stoning of adulterous wenches. Or is that beardism ? I forget. It’s all the same to me. That is to say: BOLLOCKS.

And so we have it. An entire stream of consciousness on my first night alone. I am now going to go and lie down on my fucking floor with barely so much as a fucking napkin to be comforted by and I can’t even smoke in my fucking box, because we must remember kiddies that cardboard is fucking flammable, aye ?

Bite me. I love you all. I mean I wish you all an ugly death. May you know kittens, roses and necrotising fasciitis. Rot in tarkna.